Forgive the untimeliness of this post, particularly after declaring that "I'm back". Anyways, on with it...
I believe it is true that since the beginning of time God has been introducing Himself more and more to mankind. It is His desire to be known. Furthermore, for God to be known is for God to be worshiped because the one and only response to being given an accurate, even if partial, glimpse of God is praise, adoration, wonder, awe, humility, song. In a word: worship. This is His grand design. With that said, my goal here is to explore one way that process occurs in our lives.
God, in His infinite wisdom, has chosen to work in us through faith, His gift to us which allows us to be sure of things our nature would otherwise prevent us from believing. Faith must be tested and when it is it is strengthened or weakened, confirmed or denied.
I fell upon a thread in scripture recently I want to share with you. Here's the one-sentence summary: when circumstances don't make sense, yet we nonetheless base our questions out of faith in what we know to be true of God, He praises our faith, honors our question (often specifically answering or addressing it), and then teaches/reveals more of Himself to us, leaving us worshiping Him more and better.
Take Habakkuk for example. He knows that God is holy and pure, but he sees so much wickedness in His people. This doesn't seem to make sense. Then God tells him, in answer to his question, that He is going to use a more wicked nation to judge Israel's sin. This really doesn't make sense. In 1:13 Habakkuk states first, God, "Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, and You cannot look on wickedness with favor." All true statements. He then asks, essentially, "but that seems to be exactly what your doing here! Why? How?" He says 'what I know to be true and what I'm observing don't seem to connect. But I know that I'm the one missing information. God, can You help me make sense of it all?' Chapter two contains God's answer, basically, 'they (the wicked nation coming to judge you) will have their punishment too. But that is not your concern, Habakkuk. Your right, they are not OK with me, but what matters to you, Habakkuk, as a man of faith, is to live in righteousness and thereby demonstrate your faithfulness' (Hab. 2:4). In the final chapter, chapter 3, Habakkuk is left literally singing a psalm in worshipful response to all he has learned.
Similarly, in the NT we have the examples of Mary (Jesus' mother) who, when told she was to conceive and have a son even though she was a virgin asked for clarification. She knew God's standard of purity and asked in good faith how these two conflicting pieces of information would come together under the consistency of God's standards. She was then given the additional information that the Holy Spirit would do a miracle in her, and that her child would be the Son of God. She too is left singing. the next section of scripture is known as 'the magnificat' or 'Mary's Song'.
There is also the story of the Roman centurion who had a sick slave and asked Jesus to come heal her. But he sends messengers to stop him on the way and says something to the effect of 'Jesus, nevermind. I'm not worthy to have you in my house. But I also know that you don't need to be here to heal my servant. Just say the word from wherever you are and she will be healed'. Jesus then publicly praised his faith and when the messengers returned, the girl was in full health. This man recognized the nature of Jesus and understood that he was nothing in comparison. He also recognized the authority of Jesus and understood that Jesus was fully able. In return for his faith, he was praised and his petition granted.
On the other hand, these may be compared to the stories of Zacharias. He was told by an angel while performing the worshipful duties of the preisthood that he and his wife were to have a son. But he let circumstances get in the way and doubted the message and asked 'how in the world is this possible?'. Instead of an answer, he received punishment of muteness until the birth of his son John the Baptist.
And also lawyer who came to Jesus and asked what needed to be done to "inherit eternal life?" Jesus actually responds with a question of his own, 'what does it say in the law?' The lawyer answers correctly by saying "love God and love people". But then asks "in order to justify himself, 'Who is my neighbor?" Jesus then tells the parable of the good Samaritan. The point of this story is not to answer the 'who is my neighbor' question, but to say "Go and do the same", go be a neighbor (Lk 10:25-37). Jesus does not answer his question but gives him instead what he needs to hear.
There are countless examples of Jesus doing just this with the pharisees, who never ask the right questions, but try to trap Jesus. Many times Jesus poses a question to them before answering theirs and many many times he humiliates them.
So don't ask, "in spite of what I believe about God, and in light of these circumstances, ___blah___" and spill out our questions and/or complaints. Instead, ask "in spite of these circumstances and in light of what I know about God, ___blah___" and ask our questions. The wrong questions seek comfort, situational change, and immediate answers and are never satisfied. The right questions seek God's wisdom and perspective, and our growth in Him, and are always honored.
Remember, we are told to be faithful with the limited amount of things we have and God will entrust us with more. The same can be said of our limited knowledge of Him. As we demonstrate faithfulness when tested, He will entrust us with more of Him to know and worship. We will be the better for it, and He accomplishes His grand design.
n.c.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
The Update
I wrote this on June 5, 2009. That was about one week before my wedding day.
"The truth is that we still don't know what we're doing when we get home from the honeymoon. We have seen God provide mightily through our churches by multiple offers from people for temporary housing ans such, but we have yet to find jobs or a place to call home in which to start our lives together. YIKES! Talk about faith building and prayer training. It has indeed drawn [Laura and I] together in ways I didn't expect to have to deal with as a couple till 'real life' was well along. I guess this IS real life, huh?"
God has brought us through that to the point where we have moved into a wonderful home, yes a house, owned by a church I have begun a pastoral internship with. In return for about 20 hours/week working for them, they are providing housing for us! I have begun working also a The Home Depot to bring in some more income.
Laura found a job as a paraprofessional (teacher's aide) in a third grade class about 40 minutes from here. She has had opportunities already to begin some spiritually themed dialogue with her coworkers.
We are so blessed by a God who continually provides and leads in mind-blowing ways. We are blessed by families who love and support us. We are blessed by churches who have welcomed us and called us family, both past and present. We can't wait to see what else God has in store for this year and beyond.
n.c.
"The truth is that we still don't know what we're doing when we get home from the honeymoon. We have seen God provide mightily through our churches by multiple offers from people for temporary housing ans such, but we have yet to find jobs or a place to call home in which to start our lives together. YIKES! Talk about faith building and prayer training. It has indeed drawn [Laura and I] together in ways I didn't expect to have to deal with as a couple till 'real life' was well along. I guess this IS real life, huh?"
God has brought us through that to the point where we have moved into a wonderful home, yes a house, owned by a church I have begun a pastoral internship with. In return for about 20 hours/week working for them, they are providing housing for us! I have begun working also a The Home Depot to bring in some more income.
Laura found a job as a paraprofessional (teacher's aide) in a third grade class about 40 minutes from here. She has had opportunities already to begin some spiritually themed dialogue with her coworkers.
We are so blessed by a God who continually provides and leads in mind-blowing ways. We are blessed by families who love and support us. We are blessed by churches who have welcomed us and called us family, both past and present. We can't wait to see what else God has in store for this year and beyond.
n.c.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
I will survive
I have not fallen off the planet. Nor have I been abducted by aliens. I HAVE been caught up for the last few months in ...
n.c.
- planning a wedding
- getting married
- honeymooning
- finding a job
- finding another job
- finding a job for Laura
- finding a place to live
- moving into said place
- getting settled
n.c.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Reality of the Slain Lamb, Risen Lord, Coming King
Something that struck me this morning:
Isaiah 53:4-5, 7
Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:4-5, 7
Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a
LAMB
that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
Revelations 5:5b-6a
"...behold, the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has overcome so as to open the book and its seven seals". And I saw between the throne (with the four living creatures) and the elders a LAMB standing, as if slain...
Revelations 17:14a
...and the LAMB will overcome them, because He is Lord of lords and King of kings...
Revelations 19:11, 12, 13, 16
And I saw heaven opened, and behold, a while horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, ... and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself. ... and His name is called The Word of God. ... And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS".
Isaiah 2:19
Men will go into caves of the rocks
and into holes of the ground
Before the terror of the Lord
and the splendor of His majesty,
When He arises to make the earth tremble.
Hosea 10:8
...Then they will say to the mountains,
"Cover us!" And to the hills, "Fall on us!"
Revelations 6:16
and they said to the mountains and to the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the presence of Him who sits on the throne, and from the wrath of the LAMB"
Luke 23:2-3, 9, 21, 29-30, 36-38
And they began to accuse Him, saying, "We found this man misleading our nation and forbidding to pay taxes to Caesar, and saying that He Himself if Christ, a King." So Pilate asked Him, saying, "Are You the King of the Jews?" And He answered him and said, "It is as you say."
And he questioned Him at some length; but He answered him nothing.
...but they kept on calling out, saying, "Crucify, crucify Him!"
[words of Jesus] "For behold, the days are coming when they will say ... to the mountains, 'Fall on us,' and to the hills, 'Cover us.'"
The soldiers also mocked Him, coming up to Him, offering Him sour wine, and saying, "If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself!" Now there was also an inscription above Him, "THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS."
Here's the connection: The sermon last Sunday (which I mentioned in my last post) was on Philippians 2 passage, focusing on what Jesus gave up so that He could become incarnate. I was reading Luke 23 this morning and followed a few of the cross-references to some of these Revelations passages and such. Rev is talking about the Lamb, Jesus, the same One from Luke, and all throughout the Rev. passages the Lamb is lauded with unceasing praise and worship from the heavenly creatures. He is given so many names. He is futuristically seen in final powerful victory, receiving the full Honor due Him.
...friends, Revelations give us a picture of what He left to come to earth. Luke 23 shows us what He received in exchange. His claim to be King of the Jews, let alone His rightful position as King of ALL kings and Lord of ALL lords, was laughed at, scorned, ridiculed, dismissed and ultimately punished. His conviction was blasphemy, claiming to be that which He was not. BUT HE WAS!
This gives full contextual understanding to the phrase from Philippians 2:6 that He "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped". But instead, "He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (v. 8). A death He did not deserve. For the conviction of a lie which was in reality TRUTH. All this for my sake.
I sit here literally trembling at the realization of the reality of these events, past, present and future. Maybe it's just the caffeine from my morning coffee, but in a very real sense, I am shaken by these realizations.
"He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming quickly." Amen. Come, LORD Jesus." Revelations 22:20
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a
LAMB
that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
Revelations 5:5b-6a
"...behold, the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has overcome so as to open the book and its seven seals". And I saw between the throne (with the four living creatures) and the elders a LAMB standing, as if slain...
Revelations 17:14a
...and the LAMB will overcome them, because He is Lord of lords and King of kings...
Revelations 19:11, 12, 13, 16
And I saw heaven opened, and behold, a while horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, ... and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself. ... and His name is called The Word of God. ... And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS".
Isaiah 2:19
Men will go into caves of the rocks
and into holes of the ground
Before the terror of the Lord
and the splendor of His majesty,
When He arises to make the earth tremble.
Hosea 10:8
...Then they will say to the mountains,
"Cover us!" And to the hills, "Fall on us!"
Revelations 6:16
and they said to the mountains and to the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the presence of Him who sits on the throne, and from the wrath of the LAMB"
Luke 23:2-3, 9, 21, 29-30, 36-38
And they began to accuse Him, saying, "We found this man misleading our nation and forbidding to pay taxes to Caesar, and saying that He Himself if Christ, a King." So Pilate asked Him, saying, "Are You the King of the Jews?" And He answered him and said, "It is as you say."
And he questioned Him at some length; but He answered him nothing.
...but they kept on calling out, saying, "Crucify, crucify Him!"
[words of Jesus] "For behold, the days are coming when they will say ... to the mountains, 'Fall on us,' and to the hills, 'Cover us.'"
The soldiers also mocked Him, coming up to Him, offering Him sour wine, and saying, "If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself!" Now there was also an inscription above Him, "THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS."
Here's the connection: The sermon last Sunday (which I mentioned in my last post) was on Philippians 2 passage, focusing on what Jesus gave up so that He could become incarnate. I was reading Luke 23 this morning and followed a few of the cross-references to some of these Revelations passages and such. Rev is talking about the Lamb, Jesus, the same One from Luke, and all throughout the Rev. passages the Lamb is lauded with unceasing praise and worship from the heavenly creatures. He is given so many names. He is futuristically seen in final powerful victory, receiving the full Honor due Him.
...friends, Revelations give us a picture of what He left to come to earth. Luke 23 shows us what He received in exchange. His claim to be King of the Jews, let alone His rightful position as King of ALL kings and Lord of ALL lords, was laughed at, scorned, ridiculed, dismissed and ultimately punished. His conviction was blasphemy, claiming to be that which He was not. BUT HE WAS!
This gives full contextual understanding to the phrase from Philippians 2:6 that He "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped". But instead, "He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (v. 8). A death He did not deserve. For the conviction of a lie which was in reality TRUTH. All this for my sake.
I sit here literally trembling at the realization of the reality of these events, past, present and future. Maybe it's just the caffeine from my morning coffee, but in a very real sense, I am shaken by these realizations.
"He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming quickly." Amen. Come, LORD Jesus." Revelations 22:20
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Reflecting On a Lovely Lord's Day
Wow! Where should I begin?
Church this morning was amazing.
To say that the fact that I awoke this morning with any energy and excitement was surprising would be a drastic understatement. I started at my new job on Friday: second shift at a book distribution warehouse. This means that I worked on my feet from 4:00 in the afternoon until 12:30 Saturday morning. After getting home and going to bed around 1:30, I woke up at about 5:45 to go to Massachusetts to help a friend with a moving project. What we expected to take just a few hard working hours, putting me home around 2:00, actually took all day long and we didn't get home until 6:30. I had a meeting to go to at seven, which I was late to, so I hurried and showered and grabbed some pizza Mom had brought home for dinner. Finally, after an enjoyable informative meeting, I went to bed.
Which brings me to where I started this blog. ... It usually takes me about an hour to truly wake up, a process which consists of dragging myself out of bed, showering, getting dressed, eating something, and moving and thinking and generally just 'being awake', before I actually FEEL like I AM awake. I know, I know, that sounds a lot like a woman, a contradiction, or both, but it's the hard, honest truth. But this morning, however tired I was when my alarm went off, I was awake and truly alert, excited, and joyful once my feet hit the floor and I got dressed. Call it a little thing, but I am calling it a big blessing, the first of many on the day. This was a day wherein I had no physical, human reason to be happy, joyful, or awake, but I was all three.
At church, I got excited. No reason, I just was energetic and hyper and excited. Worship team practice was kinda average. Teaching two new songs is not usually a good idea, but that is what we were doing, so stress was a little high. I had brought both songs home from school so I knew them well, two favorites, actually. "By Grace Alone" & "Oh Church Arise" These two songs hold such great truth and the power with which they present that truth is incredible. Today, it was overwhelming.
Between WT practice and the start of church, I was milling about talking to friends and generally spreading my good cheer. Moments before the service was to start, I sat down by myself for a moment. The thought popped into my head "Oh darn! I have so much energy today, and the worship set is really slow and reflective. That stinks. Why couldn't it have been a 'rockin' set today when I feel so up?" But immediately I scolded myself for such talk and reminded myself that my affections (aka: emotions) are not to be manipulated by style, feelings or mood, but rather are to be in response to the level of Truth being presented. It then struck me, that though these songs (both these two and most of the others) were a bit slower and melodically driven rather than beat driven, their truths were of the best and highest out there.
Then the message came and knocked me upside the head with so many different connections, truths, and reminders that I was overwhelmed. The cool thing was that the passage was Phil. 2:5-8 with other selected scripture as well. This is such a familiar passage to me, as a recent Bible College student. I have heard it so many times. I have heard it done well, and botched. Never have I heard it fully explained, but then again, I never will with this one. Today however, God opened His Word to my heart in a new way.
I'm sorry to leave you hanging without specifics, but I have rambled to long in this post, and I am not sure yet what to focus on specifically. suffice it to say that I am right now grateful for God's abundant gifts which truly are new every morning, for His church, and for Truth. These are mine through His Son, whom I am eternally indebted to and through whom I claim as mine these aforementioned good gifts.
Praise God!
Church this morning was amazing.
To say that the fact that I awoke this morning with any energy and excitement was surprising would be a drastic understatement. I started at my new job on Friday: second shift at a book distribution warehouse. This means that I worked on my feet from 4:00 in the afternoon until 12:30 Saturday morning. After getting home and going to bed around 1:30, I woke up at about 5:45 to go to Massachusetts to help a friend with a moving project. What we expected to take just a few hard working hours, putting me home around 2:00, actually took all day long and we didn't get home until 6:30. I had a meeting to go to at seven, which I was late to, so I hurried and showered and grabbed some pizza Mom had brought home for dinner. Finally, after an enjoyable informative meeting, I went to bed.
Which brings me to where I started this blog. ... It usually takes me about an hour to truly wake up, a process which consists of dragging myself out of bed, showering, getting dressed, eating something, and moving and thinking and generally just 'being awake', before I actually FEEL like I AM awake. I know, I know, that sounds a lot like a woman, a contradiction, or both, but it's the hard, honest truth. But this morning, however tired I was when my alarm went off, I was awake and truly alert, excited, and joyful once my feet hit the floor and I got dressed. Call it a little thing, but I am calling it a big blessing, the first of many on the day. This was a day wherein I had no physical, human reason to be happy, joyful, or awake, but I was all three.
At church, I got excited. No reason, I just was energetic and hyper and excited. Worship team practice was kinda average. Teaching two new songs is not usually a good idea, but that is what we were doing, so stress was a little high. I had brought both songs home from school so I knew them well, two favorites, actually. "By Grace Alone" & "Oh Church Arise" These two songs hold such great truth and the power with which they present that truth is incredible. Today, it was overwhelming.
Between WT practice and the start of church, I was milling about talking to friends and generally spreading my good cheer. Moments before the service was to start, I sat down by myself for a moment. The thought popped into my head "Oh darn! I have so much energy today, and the worship set is really slow and reflective. That stinks. Why couldn't it have been a 'rockin' set today when I feel so up?" But immediately I scolded myself for such talk and reminded myself that my affections (aka: emotions) are not to be manipulated by style, feelings or mood, but rather are to be in response to the level of Truth being presented. It then struck me, that though these songs (both these two and most of the others) were a bit slower and melodically driven rather than beat driven, their truths were of the best and highest out there.
Then the message came and knocked me upside the head with so many different connections, truths, and reminders that I was overwhelmed. The cool thing was that the passage was Phil. 2:5-8 with other selected scripture as well. This is such a familiar passage to me, as a recent Bible College student. I have heard it so many times. I have heard it done well, and botched. Never have I heard it fully explained, but then again, I never will with this one. Today however, God opened His Word to my heart in a new way.
I'm sorry to leave you hanging without specifics, but I have rambled to long in this post, and I am not sure yet what to focus on specifically. suffice it to say that I am right now grateful for God's abundant gifts which truly are new every morning, for His church, and for Truth. These are mine through His Son, whom I am eternally indebted to and through whom I claim as mine these aforementioned good gifts.
Praise God!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Confession Prayer of a Grateful Son
Oh Gracious Heavenly Father,
I confess to you this morning that I am a whore1. I have run wild, prostituting myself to the world, using and touting Your goods as mine: health, smarts, athleticism, musical talent, knowledge, friends, family, American well-off-ness (even though I complain about being 'poor' as if I knew by experience what that actually means). I have trashed so many of Your good gifts2: 22.5 years' worth of days full of breath3, each with the luxuries of a home, roof, heat, bed, blankets, clothes4 and food, an excellent education, a loving church body. I call mine what you give me: sight to see, ears to hear, a nose to breath/smell (even if it's running more than a fire hose right now), a mind to exercise, money when I need it. In all these I have acted as if I was owed them but had to get them myself, as if I did get them myself but only because I wanted to, as if they were precious stones added to my monument5 of importance, and as if I could decide when and how I used them and for what.
I am that slut. I am that user, that addict. I am that snotty rich kid who doesn't know what hard work is but drives his own beamer, the replacement that 'daddy' got him after he crashed the Mustang. I am that bastard son who took Your valuables and left, drug Your name through the mud by including You in all my gallivanting.
Yet, you continually bailed me out. You paid off my debts6. You let me back in the house and provided a bed with clean sheets, replacing the ones I ... uh ... soiled. You set my favorite dinner in front of me, adopted me, and offered me a new name. You gave me, legitimately, Your riches6&7.
I know that aside from this, Your most gracious of offers, and Your tug8 upon me from within which screams, though muffled and suppressed underneath mounds of bilge, "this is your heritage. This is where you came from. This is what you were made for, how far you've fallen and how much you are loved", apart from that I know I would not be where I am today. I know I would not be what I am today.
'Cuz the truth is, I am recovering from that person I was9.
Thank You, Abba10 God,
...for loving me11.
...for forgiving me12.
...for relentlessly calling mesee 8.
...for Your sacrificial work just to reunite me to You13.
...for making me Your child14.
...for Your tireless work to transform me15.
...for Your Word and Your Son and Your Spirit that reveal Yourself to me and bring me to these understandings16.
I love You.
because of the mercy and grace of Your Son Jesus,
Amen17
1. Ezekiel 16:32; Ezekiel 23; Jeremiah 3:2; Hosea 9:1; Matthew 12:39 to name a few. Adultery and harlotry are huge, often very graphic Biblical illustrations of our sin against God.
2. James 1:17
3. Acts 17:25
4. Matthew 6:28-30
5. see Christian rock artist Showbread's concept-double-album project Anorexia-Nervosa. In the story, a character lives a works-based life and is allegorized by a person building a monument to herself/of her accomplishments. Very powerful! Incredible plot twist at the end that goes to show the futility of such an endeavor. I recommend it to a mature, discerning audience who can handle incredibly intense rock music. *Note that I said handle, not like. Even if you don't like hardcore rock, I would still recommend the project for a one-time listen. The story is that powerful and important. *Note: some very mature content.
6. Christ's substitutionary death literally payed for that which we could not: Isaiah 55:1; Mark 10:45, ransom = payment of price owed; Romans 6:23, sin has a "wage" or payment which Christ paid; Ephesians 1:7, redemption = buying back; I John 2:2, propitiation = satisfaction of debt owed from sin.
7. Psalm 112:3 and I am in the 'household of God'; Proverbs 22:4; Romans 9:23; 10:12; Ephesians 1:18; 2:7; 3:8, 16; Philippians 4:19; Colossians 1:27; 2:2; I Timothy 6:17
8. or "drawing" or "call" John 12:32; Ephesians 1; II Timothy 1:9; II Peter 1:3;
9. I Corinthians 6:9-11
10. Romans 8:15
11. John 3:16; I John 4:19
12. I John 1:9
13. Romans 8:32
14. John 1:12 see also link on adoption.
15. Isaiah 64:8; Lamentations 4:2; Philippians 1:6
16. John 1, 16:8; II Timothy 3:16-17 Hebrews 4:12;
17. It was time spent in Luke 15:11-32 that started this ball rolling this morning.
I confess to you this morning that I am a whore1. I have run wild, prostituting myself to the world, using and touting Your goods as mine: health, smarts, athleticism, musical talent, knowledge, friends, family, American well-off-ness (even though I complain about being 'poor' as if I knew by experience what that actually means). I have trashed so many of Your good gifts2: 22.5 years' worth of days full of breath3, each with the luxuries of a home, roof, heat, bed, blankets, clothes4 and food, an excellent education, a loving church body. I call mine what you give me: sight to see, ears to hear, a nose to breath/smell (even if it's running more than a fire hose right now), a mind to exercise, money when I need it. In all these I have acted as if I was owed them but had to get them myself, as if I did get them myself but only because I wanted to, as if they were precious stones added to my monument5 of importance, and as if I could decide when and how I used them and for what.
I am that slut. I am that user, that addict. I am that snotty rich kid who doesn't know what hard work is but drives his own beamer, the replacement that 'daddy' got him after he crashed the Mustang. I am that bastard son who took Your valuables and left, drug Your name through the mud by including You in all my gallivanting.
Yet, you continually bailed me out. You paid off my debts6. You let me back in the house and provided a bed with clean sheets, replacing the ones I ... uh ... soiled. You set my favorite dinner in front of me, adopted me, and offered me a new name. You gave me, legitimately, Your riches6&7.
I know that aside from this, Your most gracious of offers, and Your tug8 upon me from within which screams, though muffled and suppressed underneath mounds of bilge, "this is your heritage. This is where you came from. This is what you were made for, how far you've fallen and how much you are loved", apart from that I know I would not be where I am today. I know I would not be what I am today.
'Cuz the truth is, I am recovering from that person I was9.
Thank You, Abba10 God,
...for loving me11.
...for forgiving me12.
...for relentlessly calling mesee 8.
...for Your sacrificial work just to reunite me to You13.
...for making me Your child14.
...for Your tireless work to transform me15.
...for Your Word and Your Son and Your Spirit that reveal Yourself to me and bring me to these understandings16.
I love You.
because of the mercy and grace of Your Son Jesus,
Amen17
1. Ezekiel 16:32; Ezekiel 23; Jeremiah 3:2; Hosea 9:1; Matthew 12:39 to name a few. Adultery and harlotry are huge, often very graphic Biblical illustrations of our sin against God.
2. James 1:17
3. Acts 17:25
4. Matthew 6:28-30
5. see Christian rock artist Showbread's concept-double-album project Anorexia-Nervosa. In the story, a character lives a works-based life and is allegorized by a person building a monument to herself/of her accomplishments. Very powerful! Incredible plot twist at the end that goes to show the futility of such an endeavor. I recommend it to a mature, discerning audience who can handle incredibly intense rock music. *Note that I said handle, not like. Even if you don't like hardcore rock, I would still recommend the project for a one-time listen. The story is that powerful and important. *Note: some very mature content.
6. Christ's substitutionary death literally payed for that which we could not: Isaiah 55:1; Mark 10:45, ransom = payment of price owed; Romans 6:23, sin has a "wage" or payment which Christ paid; Ephesians 1:7, redemption = buying back; I John 2:2, propitiation = satisfaction of debt owed from sin.
7. Psalm 112:3 and I am in the 'household of God'; Proverbs 22:4; Romans 9:23; 10:12; Ephesians 1:18; 2:7; 3:8, 16; Philippians 4:19; Colossians 1:27; 2:2; I Timothy 6:17
8. or "drawing" or "call" John 12:32; Ephesians 1; II Timothy 1:9; II Peter 1:3;
9. I Corinthians 6:9-11
10. Romans 8:15
11. John 3:16; I John 4:19
12. I John 1:9
13. Romans 8:32
14. John 1:12 see also link on adoption.
15. Isaiah 64:8; Lamentations 4:2; Philippians 1:6
16. John 1, 16:8; II Timothy 3:16-17 Hebrews 4:12;
17. It was time spent in Luke 15:11-32 that started this ball rolling this morning.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Proactively Putting an End to Paralyzing Fear
Often we approach a new year with what we call "resolutions" to live by for the next twelve months. These are meant to make us better people, easier to get along with, build our character, maybe even shape and strengthen our spiritual soul. This is not a blog intending to explore how we are all doing on ours, now that February has already come upon us. We joke all to often of those resolutions we brake before January is even up, let alone the ones we forget about halfway through the year. We joke, but it's all to true. I think that may be why I, for one, have rarely if ever braved the waters of making such commitments. I'm afraid that I'm going to fail myself.
This year was no different. Sort of. The challenge went out to our church, I ducked, and moved on. But this time it was different. Like a bad case of Taco Bell for lunch, or a good bowl of superbowl chili, the challenge came back around again when we as a church were "dared" if you will, to turn in to the pastor an accountability sheet with our specific goals, along with two listed accountability partners. And for some reason, when i ducked, a new thought hit me: "Why not?"
Ouch. I responded with the usual retaliatory ammunition, and then some new stuff: "There are too many unknowns this year. I don't have a job. I'm getting married. She doesn't have a job. We don't know where we're gonna be, or what we're gonna be doing. All of these things effect the goals one would make. Right?" I then realized that I was simply making excuses because I was afraid of falling short of a goal I set that might become obsolete with new circumstances. In reality though, this was masking the greater fear of putting forth the work to come up with good resolutions, and the prideful fear of failing to meet goals I have no excuse not to meet.
With that said, I realized that I could evaluate, re-evaluate, modify, and otherwise tailor my goals with changing circumstances. After all, the purpose of "resolutions" is not merely to be met, but for greater growth. Meeting these objectives falls secondary to my growth and maturity, the motivating factors and ultimate goal of any resolutions anyway.
So... following the outline given by the church, here are my 2009 Resolutions.
Worship - I will take action to promote my own private worship by focusing my attention Heavenward both first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Community - I will take action to develop @ least 2 or 3 deep relationships that mutually foster both persons' spiritual health.
Maturity - I will take action to finish more books that will challenge, strengthen, and deepen my spiritual health. (I'm working on an exact number on this one. i.e. two such books per month?)
Service - I will take action to put forward the Biblical priority to love the unlovely and sacrificially serve the needy around me. ALSO I will take action to be more concerned with others spiritual health than their perceptions about me (either their like/dislike of me, or their assessment of my own spirituality). This is long-talk for involving myself unselfishly in being mentor in relationships.
This year was no different. Sort of. The challenge went out to our church, I ducked, and moved on. But this time it was different. Like a bad case of Taco Bell for lunch, or a good bowl of superbowl chili, the challenge came back around again when we as a church were "dared" if you will, to turn in to the pastor an accountability sheet with our specific goals, along with two listed accountability partners. And for some reason, when i ducked, a new thought hit me: "Why not?"
Ouch. I responded with the usual retaliatory ammunition, and then some new stuff: "There are too many unknowns this year. I don't have a job. I'm getting married. She doesn't have a job. We don't know where we're gonna be, or what we're gonna be doing. All of these things effect the goals one would make. Right?" I then realized that I was simply making excuses because I was afraid of falling short of a goal I set that might become obsolete with new circumstances. In reality though, this was masking the greater fear of putting forth the work to come up with good resolutions, and the prideful fear of failing to meet goals I have no excuse not to meet.
With that said, I realized that I could evaluate, re-evaluate, modify, and otherwise tailor my goals with changing circumstances. After all, the purpose of "resolutions" is not merely to be met, but for greater growth. Meeting these objectives falls secondary to my growth and maturity, the motivating factors and ultimate goal of any resolutions anyway.
So... following the outline given by the church, here are my 2009 Resolutions.
Worship - I will take action to promote my own private worship by focusing my attention Heavenward both first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Community - I will take action to develop @ least 2 or 3 deep relationships that mutually foster both persons' spiritual health.
Maturity - I will take action to finish more books that will challenge, strengthen, and deepen my spiritual health. (I'm working on an exact number on this one. i.e. two such books per month?)
Service - I will take action to put forward the Biblical priority to love the unlovely and sacrificially serve the needy around me. ALSO I will take action to be more concerned with others spiritual health than their perceptions about me (either their like/dislike of me, or their assessment of my own spirituality). This is long-talk for involving myself unselfishly in being mentor in relationships.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Man with Two Hearts
This is a story about a man who has two hearts:
Such wasn't always the case. When he was a young boy, he only had one. He would play on the playground with his friends, in the backyard with his toys and chase the cat around the house like all boys do.
But then, he met the source of life. He came to learn that the source of life was a proper noun, a being. From The SOL he learned that his heart wasn't working right, that it had been corrupted and that it was effecting every other part of his life. The SOL had given him a new heart, to fix this problem, but he didn't take away his old one.
Now he has two hearts. It has become a daily battle as to which heartbeat he will live by. Some days, his older heart beats stronger, and other days, he knows that his new heart is pumping louder, stronger, clearer. Even this distinction was a long time in coming. Eventually he began to identify the rhythm of the sick heart. It beat to a different dance. It was more fun, more entertaining, perhaps even more natural at times. But it was very different, opposite in fact, from the constant, steady, regular beat of the new heart given him by The SOL.
Often frustrated with the hypocrisy and two-facedness of living with these two hearts, he wishes he could just be rid of one of them. Most of the time, his choice would be to keep the new one. But sometimes, if he is honest, he likes the excitement of his old heartbeat better.
However, simply choosing one and discarding the other is far and away a gross oversimplification. Getting rid of a heart, no matter which one, requires at one level, delicate surgery, and at another level, the brute force of carnivorous destruction. Both demand resolve, training, concentration, and time, and both result in pain and necessitate healing.
"Why couldn't it just have been my kidney?" he often moans, wearied by the tole of living such a demanding life. Then, as if being told by The SOL Himself, he realizes that such thoughts are driven by the old heart as a distraction from the gravity of the truth at hand: His heart is sick. Not his kidney. Not his leg, or his tonsils or his spleen. His heart. But of course, his heart effects all the others.
So he must rely on The Source of Life for living. He laughs. "Duh."
This man has two hearts: One heart leads to death, the other to life. The first is fighting a losing battle for his body, at the expense of his soul. The second is slowly gaining ground in the battle of his soul, at the expense of this body, with the promise of another. The sick heart recognizes only lies as seen through the lens of disease and selfishly screams 'Get what's yours before your gone!', relying on nothing and everything at the same time. The new heart, relying on The Source of Life, sees Truth for what it is and humbly proclaims 'Die to yourself to truly live.'
The old heart hates this post.
The new heart is writing it.
But then, he met the source of life. He came to learn that the source of life was a proper noun, a being. From The SOL he learned that his heart wasn't working right, that it had been corrupted and that it was effecting every other part of his life. The SOL had given him a new heart, to fix this problem, but he didn't take away his old one.
Now he has two hearts. It has become a daily battle as to which heartbeat he will live by. Some days, his older heart beats stronger, and other days, he knows that his new heart is pumping louder, stronger, clearer. Even this distinction was a long time in coming. Eventually he began to identify the rhythm of the sick heart. It beat to a different dance. It was more fun, more entertaining, perhaps even more natural at times. But it was very different, opposite in fact, from the constant, steady, regular beat of the new heart given him by The SOL.
Often frustrated with the hypocrisy and two-facedness of living with these two hearts, he wishes he could just be rid of one of them. Most of the time, his choice would be to keep the new one. But sometimes, if he is honest, he likes the excitement of his old heartbeat better.
However, simply choosing one and discarding the other is far and away a gross oversimplification. Getting rid of a heart, no matter which one, requires at one level, delicate surgery, and at another level, the brute force of carnivorous destruction. Both demand resolve, training, concentration, and time, and both result in pain and necessitate healing.
"Why couldn't it just have been my kidney?" he often moans, wearied by the tole of living such a demanding life. Then, as if being told by The SOL Himself, he realizes that such thoughts are driven by the old heart as a distraction from the gravity of the truth at hand: His heart is sick. Not his kidney. Not his leg, or his tonsils or his spleen. His heart. But of course, his heart effects all the others.
So he must rely on The Source of Life for living. He laughs. "Duh."
This man has two hearts: One heart leads to death, the other to life. The first is fighting a losing battle for his body, at the expense of his soul. The second is slowly gaining ground in the battle of his soul, at the expense of this body, with the promise of another. The sick heart recognizes only lies as seen through the lens of disease and selfishly screams 'Get what's yours before your gone!', relying on nothing and everything at the same time. The new heart, relying on The Source of Life, sees Truth for what it is and humbly proclaims 'Die to yourself to truly live.'
The old heart hates this post.
The new heart is writing it.
This is an autobiographical story of a man with two hearts, me, fighting to live by only one.
I recognize that this little story contains plenty of theological errors and oversimplifications and artistic liberties and I apologize, if even only to myself, for them. This lept from the pages of scripture in Luke 5 & 6 and into my heart (the new one) and mind and took hold and I had to get it out, as rough as it is. If anything, I only desire that it serve as a reminder that God's Word is alive and penetrates to the heart, which is exactly what happened on Tuesday (?i think it was Tues.?) when I read it.
~n8
I recognize that this little story contains plenty of theological errors and oversimplifications and artistic liberties and I apologize, if even only to myself, for them. This lept from the pages of scripture in Luke 5 & 6 and into my heart (the new one) and mind and took hold and I had to get it out, as rough as it is. If anything, I only desire that it serve as a reminder that God's Word is alive and penetrates to the heart, which is exactly what happened on Tuesday (?i think it was Tues.?) when I read it.
~n8
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The Sting of Death
I had plans for my next post, but two recent events have changed those plans, one of which I have decided to focus on now. My Grampa just died this morning. As I stood, looking at his now empty "tent" laying on his deathbed, my Grammy sitting at the head, holding his arm, tears streaming down her face from red eyes, I thought of the words of scripture which speak to the powerless nature of death for those who are in Christ. I Corinthians speaks of this specifically in chapter 15, the resurrection chapter, "Where, O death, is you victory? Where, O death, is you sting?" (v. 55). However, as I stood in that room today, I saw and felt the sting of death, or what remains of it. Ultimately, the victory is ours through our Lord Jesus Christ (see verse 56). But what remains of the sting of death is the pain and sorrow we are left with, who wittness death. In I Thessalonians we are not told not to grieve, but to grieve with hope. But hope in what? The immediate answer is hope in Christ, in God, in Heaven and in the glory God recieves from th outworking of His Soveriegn plan. But more simply, the common denominator of each of these is the fact that it is not this world and this life that ultimately matters. We were created by God for God. Earlier in the same chapter in I Corinthians, verse 50 reads that "flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable".
I was also reminded of some of the thoughts of Mr. Dan Cruver on pain, sorrow, and death. He spoke on death as a reminder of the implications and gravity of sin. He said that death should absolutely grieve and pain us. It should cause us to turn to ourselves and remind ourselves that we have the same disease within us that will lead one day to the same consequence. And finally, death is only the final ultimatum of a multitude of consequenses we face each moment for our sin.
So I ask myself again, "Where is the sting of death?" It is here on this earth and in my heart. And it is real. The tears, puffy eyes, tight throat and achy gutt are not fake conjured feelings we have made up. They are given to us by the God who made us. "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law" (verse 56) and sin is with us each day of our lives here. But, "thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (v. 57) who God sent to accomplish what the Law could not (Ro. 8:3). The sting reminds us that however real and powerful it is, it is only temporary, that we have the victory, the hope of eternity, and a God who has effectively swallowed up death in His victory, the resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.
I was also reminded of some of the thoughts of Mr. Dan Cruver on pain, sorrow, and death. He spoke on death as a reminder of the implications and gravity of sin. He said that death should absolutely grieve and pain us. It should cause us to turn to ourselves and remind ourselves that we have the same disease within us that will lead one day to the same consequence. And finally, death is only the final ultimatum of a multitude of consequenses we face each moment for our sin.
So I ask myself again, "Where is the sting of death?" It is here on this earth and in my heart. And it is real. The tears, puffy eyes, tight throat and achy gutt are not fake conjured feelings we have made up. They are given to us by the God who made us. "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law" (verse 56) and sin is with us each day of our lives here. But, "thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (v. 57) who God sent to accomplish what the Law could not (Ro. 8:3). The sting reminds us that however real and powerful it is, it is only temporary, that we have the victory, the hope of eternity, and a God who has effectively swallowed up death in His victory, the resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.
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